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Welcome back to the she who does podcast.
I'm your host, Crystal Wilson. We are back here for another episode of the she who does podcast. And today's episode is inspired [00:02:00] by conversations that I've been having with my clients. I've been noticing a theme in the topics of conversations I've been having. And I've noticed that I've been saying the same thing kind of over and over and over again in many different ways with many different clients over the last month.
And so intuitively that kind of dropped in that maybe. These types of conversations and this type of coaching and the kind of education that I've been giving my clients isn't just needed for my clients. Maybe it's needed for all of you as well who are listening. Now, I know many of my current and past clients.
I know many of you guys are tuning in and listening and I love you guys and I appreciate you. And then I also know that I have all these women who are not yet in the she who dares world. In terms of like working with me in one of my courses, my programs, or my private [00:03:00] coaching or business mentorship. So for those of you who are not quite fully immersed in my world yet, this is going to be like a hot seat coaching moment.
So, as I mentioned, I've been having really incredibly deep and powerful conversations with my clients as I always do. And I want to share with you the first thing, then one of the things that I constantly say to my clients, but I've been noticing a big theme this last month is around reminding my clients.
And I want to remind you to, if you're listening, that you are in control of how you think. How you feel, how you react, and how you respond to everything in your life, okay? Think, feel, react, respond. I would say that this is the number one thing that comes out of my mouth in my coaching. And the reason that it's the number [00:04:00] one thing that kind of comes out of my mouth when it comes to coaching is that in the essence of everything I do with my clients, it's very much anchored in to empowering you To remember your power, to remember that you're actually in control.
And so everything I do and everything I teach is always anchored. deeply into empowering you. And if you are living your life as though you are not in control of what you think, you are not in control of what you feel. You are not in control of how you choose to react and respond to situations in your life.
It's my job to fucking remind you. So you are in control of how you think. Okay, so if you're having a thought that you don't like, if you're having a thought that doesn't support you, if you're having a thought that disempowers you, if you're having a thought that makes you feel shitty about yourself, you [00:05:00] are actually choosing that thought and you can reframe that thought.
Now, I'm not saying that that's easy to do. It's not, there was a time in my life with negative kind of thoughts about myself was so thick and fast and so deeply ingrained that when I started doing this reframing work, it felt tedious. It felt really hard. It felt like I was not in control of what I was thinking, but little by little, bit by bit, day by day, habit by habit, I was able to take back control of my thoughts.
And there's lots of different things that I did. One of those things being a breakthrough, which is the work that I do with women, which is incredibly powerful and helping you to take back control of how you think, feel, react, and respond. So if you're having thoughts that do not support what who you want to be, where you want to go, what you want to create, then this is your reminder that you are in control of [00:06:00] those thoughts and you can simply start to choose other thoughts.
Your mind is built on repetition. And so I'm not going to say it's going to be easy to just reframe your thought and then believe that thought. No, there's a process in actually the amount of times that you need to do that to actually create a new neural pathway so that you can actually believe the thing that you're reframing.
But this is where you have to get in the arena and start fucking fighting for yourself. This is where you have to take radical responsibility for your life and actually be willing to do the work that's actually going to move the needle. So you are in control of your thoughts. You're in control of how you think and if you're having thoughts and you're thinking shit that doesn't make you feel good, it's your job to reframe that and it's your job to reframe that as many times necessary until your new reframed positive and empowering thought is your natural state of being.[00:07:00]
And yes, that can take a long fucking time and yes, that can feel like, Oh, that's a lot of work, but you should show up for yourself, get the fuck out of your own way and just start doing it. And then how you feel, same thing applies. If you're feeling emotions that don't support you, how can you choose to feel differently?
Because something that I always say, and this is another one of my points that I'm going to teach on today, is it only means the meaning that you give it, right? You're in control of how you think, feel, react, and respond. And you're the one that applies the meaning to every experience you have. So when you're having a positive experience, that's because you're choosing the meaning of this experience.
And therefore it's positive. If you're having a shitty experience, Experience. You're making this mean. This means I'm not good enough. This means that I'm a failure. You're also the one choosing that meaning. And because this is like something that's thrown around [00:08:00] when you actually take back your power, when you actually take radical responsibility for your life, this is what it looks like.
You become in control of how you think, feel, react, and respond. Reaction is a big one. I think so often we have this like entitlement around well, they made me angry, so therefore I reacted this way. It's like, no, no, no, no, no, no. You are in control of how you react. So if you find that you react with anger, okay, and that doesn't actually support you, call yourself out.
You get to choose how you react. Okay. And building up your emotional tolerance and your emotional intelligence that you're in control of your reactions. I mean, this is really fucking powerful. This is something for me personally, like when it comes to my emotions, like being in [00:09:00] control of those emotions is something that I'm still like always going to have to work on.
It's going to be a big, , lifelong journey because I grew up in an environment where I was taught that I could just have big reactions and emotion. Not that I was taught that it was like what was modeled to me. And so I wasn't taught to process my emotions. I was taught like, yeah, if someone's angry, they're going to fucking scream and yell at you.
And you just have to receive that. But now in the work that I do and something that I have reframed and worked really hard on is knowing that I'm in control of my reaction. I don't have to give somebody my anger. I don't have to give somebody any emotional reaction. Okay. I can take the time and space to process my emotions first before I give someone a reaction.
And when I do that, when I allow the spaciousness in that, I'm in control of that reaction. Versus old crystal who would have an experience happen and react straight away. So I've had to learn to [00:10:00] create some space between what's happening and how soon I react because now I'm in control of those reactions.
But as I said, that's definitely a work in progress. Each of you will have your own thing, right? That feels harder than the other now responding. I'm in control of how I respond to people, how I react and how I respond, how quickly I do that. I get to take control of that. And if I am reacting and responding in a way that is not my best self, even if somebody has come at me in a way that's not their best self, I'm still in control of how I react and respond.
They are not responsible for making me angry. They are not responsible for making me upset. I'm in control. of how I think, how I feel, how I react, how I respond. So this is something that's been coming up a lot in my coaching conversations in the last couple of weeks. The second thing that's been coming up a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot.
And I find that this comes [00:11:00] up more so with my business mentor clients is the meaning that you apply to things. So what I always say is it only means whatever meaning you give it, right? I'll give you an example. So if you're running a business and somebody doesn't sign up, okay, or somebody unsubscribes from your email list or somebody unfollows you.
Now, that doesn't mean that something negative unless you give it the meaning of something negative. So I was having this exact conversation with a client and she was sharing with me that, you know, somebody that she knew had. Unsubscribe from her email list. And this is not just this client. This comes up all the time with women in business. You know, our human self wants to be so upset about these things.
Our human self really wants to make this mean something about the person who unsubscribed or unfollowed or didn't sign [00:12:00] up. Or us, that we're a failure, that we're not good enough, this means that we're not seen, heard, respected, whatever it is. And I was, her through how to reframe this because the way that she was choosing to look at this experience and the meaning that she was giving it was actually disempowering her.
And I'm like, why the fuck would you give something meaning that's only going to make you feel shit about yourself. And this was like such a big light bulb moment for her. And so I was like, it only means what you decided means. So if somebody unsubscribes, unfollows, doesn't sign up, if you decide that means that you're not good enough and you're a failure, then that's what it will mean.
If you decide that that person doesn't like you, That's what it's going to mean. So if the meaning that you're giving things in your life, in your business, in your career, in your relationships, does not empower you and lift you up and make you feel good, then I want to [00:13:00] encourage you to look at the fucking meaning that you're giving it because you're in control, point one, of how you think, how you feel, how you react, how you respond, \ ?
And you're in control of the meaning that you give things. Now, for a lot of you, this might feel like, Whoa, what? And this might feel hard because the belief systems that you hold about yourself and the world are so out of alignment with you giving things positive meaning. So you automatically go to, well, I'm not weak at all, I'm a failure.
Like that feels like so out of alignment. Such an easy place for you to land. And the reason that that feels super easy and a soft place for you to land, even though you know, this is not what you want to believe about yourself. And a place that you actually feel very comfortable because it's a belief system.
It's an unconscious belief system that you hold about yourself. And so even the thoughts, me saying to you, you are enough. You're a success. You can create the money, the business, [00:14:00] the bank account, you can think, feel, react, and respond how you want to react and respond. Even me saying this to you, if you're holding deeply misaligned limiting beliefs is going to feel like absolutely fucking not.
I can't do that. And that's because your belief systems are almost like. every piece of new information that's coming in everything that I'm saying on this podcast is new information that you're receiving and as you're receiving it, your mind actually cross checks this information against the belief systems that you already hold about yourself.
And if what I'm saying and teaching you is not aligned with what you already believe about yourself, then you will reject this at an unconscious level and a conscious level. And so what you believe your deep seated root cause belief systems that you hold about yourself. If you really [00:15:00] want to create fucking epic transformation in your life , and really do the work that moves the needle, then that is re wiring.
And releasing reprogramming your deep seated unconscious belief systems about yourself, about success, about money, about the world, about it all. When you change those belief systems, this is where you're actually able to see tangible Fucking shifts in your life where it's like I've done the inner work and now what's happening internally within me is being reflected in my external world.
So often people work on only their external world and they wonder why they keep in this loop. And they can't really achieve the results that they want to achieve in different areas of their life. And that's because you're not going deep enough, right? You're not getting to the root [00:16:00] cause. You're not really getting to your really deep, dark, murky belief systems that you hold about yourself and actually doing the work to rewire reprogram them.
So that the belief systems that you hold about yourself are actually in alignment with the goals, the vision, the woman that you want to be, so this stuff that I'm teaching, if it feels like get it, I can kind of like understand it, but . How do I actually do this? I've tried these things before.
We're still like, how do I actually do the work? That's going to move the needle. This is where you want to do deep breakthrough work with me. This is the one to one work where we actually go very deep and we do a lot of subconscious reprogramming to actually release what needs to be released and reprogram what needs to be reprogrammed so that you are able to live in alignment.
you want to be, what you want to create, what you want to [00:17:00] do, it's like very deep identity work. So, just coming back to my point, it only means the meaning that you give it. So if the meaning that you are giving it is Whatever it may be for you is actually making you feel really shit about yourself is actually disempowering you Then I want you to like take control and be like, hold on a second I'm in control of how I think feel react and respond the meaning that I'm giving this situation is Making me feel shit about myself.
It's disempowering me It's feeding all of my unconscious beliefs that are actually blocking me from being The version of myself who can be, do, have, and create what I want, ? So what if I started to challenge the meaning that I'm giving things, right? And this is when we say, if you want different, you've got to move different.
You've got to think different, ? The way that you currently [00:18:00] think and move and be, right? Has got you the current results that you have in order for you to be, do have and create something fucking different. You are going to have to think differently, feel differently, react differently, respond differently to your life.
And I just want to remind you that even though that might feel out of control, You're actually very much in control of that. And you maybe just don't have the tools yet to know how to be in control of those things. But that's what I do. That's the work that I do. And this is why I have hundreds of women who have completed breakthrough with me.
It's fucking transformed their life. Just like it has for me. I completed my breakthrough as a client in 2018. And After that breakthrough, I launched She Who Dares This business, I went and got certified NLP prac, then I did my NLP masters then I did my hypnosis [00:19:00] practitioner and master level.
Like, my breakthrough was fucking like 10 years of personal development over 12 fucking hours. It was such a huge pivotal moment in my life that I went from being one version of myself to being this version of myself. And then I became this version of myself and I've worked on her.
I've crafted her. I've, you know, challenged myself. I've kept pushing. I've been in the arena. The work never ends. Right. It's a journey. So you're in control of how you think, feel, react, and respond. Whatever meaning you're giving it, you're in control of that. So if the meaning that you're giving the things that are happening in your life are making you feel like shit and disempowering you, this is your opportunity to start to challenge the meaning that you're giving it.
And start to build a new way of thinking, a new way of being, start to unlock a new identity that's [00:20:00] actually in alignment with you achieving the things that you want to achieve. And here's the last point I really want to make on this. There is a big difference between knowing something and embodying something.
And if you're listening to this podcast, and if you listen to lots of podcasts and you read lots of books, Or you're working with another coach or in another course and you're in a dialogue. I know that. I know that. I know that. I just want to lovingly and point out to you, I want to lovingly invite you to see that that is your fucking ego because if you know it like you say you do, and yet you're still disempowering yourself, you're still doing things that you don't want to do, you're not living the life that you want to live.
You don't feel like you're in control of how you think, feel, react, and respond. You are giving everything disempowering meaning. You are stuck in your victim mentality. If [00:21:00] you know it, That means fucking jack shit, because there's a big difference between knowing something and embodying something. Okay?
And I don't want you to just know what I'm saying. I want you to fucking embody it. Because when you embody it, you actually move the fucking needle. You actually shift your identity. You actually change how you think, how you react, how you respond, how you feel, how a woman who is embodied doesn't say, yeah, I know, yeah, I know.
And I say this with love, like I used to be the girl who was, yeah, I know. So when I am speaking to you, I'm speaking with you with passion, right? And straight to the point, it's because I used to be that woman who was like, yeah, I know that. Yes, I know that. But you know what? I wasn't fucking embodied in what I was saying.
I know. And I kept perpetuating the same toxic cycles that I was in. And so I don't want you to fucking know [00:22:00] it. And if you're ever learning from someone or in a coaching situation or listening to my podcast and you find yourself saying, yeah, I know that. I want you to ask yourself, who am I fucking embodied in that?
Because there's a big difference between knowing something and actually embodying it. And this is where we get stuck is that we hire coaches, we hire mentors and we think, yeah, I already know that. I already know that. But are you actually fucking doing it? Because if you're not, you don't actually know what you think you do, but you don't.
Embodiment is the key. And so these kind of four points that I'm sharing with you today is really like, it's So deeply anchored in the work that I do, because the work that I do is all about empowering you to know that you already have everything you need within you to be, do, have, and create everything you want.
Okay. It's already within you. You just need to get the fuck out of your own way. And when I say out of your own way, what do I [00:23:00] mean? This old mindset that you have, ? This closed mindset, who's not willing to see that there's another way. The limiting beliefs that you hold at its subconscious level, that are telling you that you're shit, that you're a failure, that you're not good enough, that you're not worthy, that you're not deserving, that you're a bad person, whatever bullshit that is.
For you and each of my clients, it's very individual to them. And we figured those things out. We get to those root cause beliefs in our breakthrough work together. Your fears, your fear of being seen, your fear of being judged, your fear of rejection, all of these fears are cock blocking everything you want.
And when you start to face these fears. You start to take your power back. And lastly, the thing that's getting in your way is the outdated identity, who you are being. You are holding on so tightly to this old identity that is no [00:24:00] longer the identity that's going to get you to where you want to be. You actually have to change who you are being at a core fucking level.
The little things all make up the big version of you. And you have to look at those identities and call those identities out and be willing to go through like a death and a rebirth because there is no rebirth without a death. And so a lot of the women that I work with will end up working with me.
They've kind of had this struggle period where they're like holding on so tightly to this old identity. That is no longer who they are. And it's definitely not the identity that's going to get them what they want. So what I want you to know is that I'm not selling you that I'm the guru that holds all the secrets.
I fucking hate that shit in the coaching world. Absolutely not. And I think why my work really does make such a profound impact is that I'm not selling you that I hold the secrets and that you [00:25:00] need to come to me and invest in me, right? And work with me to get those secrets. I'm selling you that you are the fucking secret.
You are the secret. And I have already walked this path. I was the biggest victim. I was the Oscar award winning victim. I was the Meryl Streep of fucking victims. And I did the work, the work that I now do with other women to get to where I am. And so I'm here to tell you, to sell to you one fucking important fact that you are the secret.
And I've walked this path and I can show you how to unlock that within you. Because the secret to whatever the fuck you want, it's already within you, Amazing. I hope you feel jacked up. Inspired from today's episode. And I hope there's just one thing. Just think about what's the one thing that you can take away from today's [00:26:00] episode and go and fucking challenge yourself and implement it and start to reframe it.
And if you are also listening, like I fucking need this in my life. Like what is a breakthrough? How do I work with you? Crystal? We're going to put. A link in the show notes for you. I'm actually running a special at the moment where you can book a one off session with me, which is something that I don't do.
Women who work with me, work with me long term because I also know this takes fucking time. Again, I'm not selling you some bullshit that we can do. This in one session, no, no, no, no, no. To do this really deep, profound identity shifting work takes time.
However, at the moment you can book a one off session with me. It's 111. It's a limited edition session where this gives you the opportunity for you and me to spend some time together. I'm going to [00:27:00] learn about you. What your problems are, where you want to go, what your goals are, what's been blocking you.
I'm going to ask you all the questions to get as deep as I can in one session to get as enough information so that then I can tell you what we would do together if we decided to move forward. In a one to one capacity doing my breakthrough work. So if you are intrigued and want to learn more and want to spend some time with me, this is what the step that you need to take.
Step one, book in the 111 limited edition session, have that session with me, and then trust that you're going to receive the information to know what your next move is. That next move could Doing a breakthrough with me, that next move with me can be doing a mix of a hybrid breakthrough and business mentorship.
There's lots of different things that we could do together, ? But you've got to take that first step, book in that initial call, read all the information. It's all there for you. Get out [00:28:00] of your own fucking way. Invest 111. , honestly, like this drives me insane. want to slap you.
I want to lovingly love Poncha and slap you. The amount of women who reach out to me. Because they watch me, they want this, and then when I'm like, step one, 111 call, and they're like, oh, yeah, yeah, okay, cool, cool, cool, and I know it's not about the money it's your inner mean girl fucking blocking you from taking any move that's gonna move the fucking needle, because unconsciously, you actually want to stay right where you are.
Cause even though you don't want to be there, it's what you're most comfortable in, sitting in your shit. And I think energetically women know like when you come into my world, we don't fuck around. There's nowhere to hide. We're going to get resolved and we're going to do the fucking work.
You won't be able to lie to me. You won't be able to manipulate me. There is nowhere to hide. And so I feel like energetically women can feel that. And so that kind of like, they would be [00:29:00] scared because they're like, Oh, I want this, but I will actually change. And that's also fucking scary. So take the first step, invest 111 in yourself.
Like don't be a tight ass bitch and click the link and let's do this. I cannot wait to support you. See you next week. [00:30:00]
