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[00:00:00] When you avoid failure in your life, you are avoiding the codes to success. You are avoiding becoming the version of you who can hold the failure and the version of you that can hold the failure is the version of you that can create the success you want., When you try to eliminate the failure, you are also creating more and more resistance between you and the success you want.
That is the damn truth.
[00:01:00] [00:02:00]
welcome back to the She Who Desk podcast. I'm your host, crystal Wilson. Let's freaking get into it. So I have a really cool episode for you guys today and there's gonna be a lot of inspirational, powerful messaging in this episode, and I really feel that. Those of you listening will receive the message that you are meant to receive and whatever lands for you In today's episode, I.
My dms at Shehu de Official, and share with me what landed for you, what cracked you open, like what you took away from this, what action you're gonna take, because we are gonna be having a big. Beautiful conversation around failure. You know, when I think about my 10 years in business and I think [00:03:00] about my relationship with failure.
One thing that I can really hand on heart share with you guys is that I have a really healthy relationship with failure, and I embrace failure and I understand failure and I don't make the failures that I have may mean anything negative about me or my capabilities or my success. And over the last 10 years in business, believe you me, I've had failures, I've had astronomical successes, and I've had astronomical failures.
And then when I look at different areas of my personal life as well, look at my IVF and my fertility journey. Nine years I've had the goal to become a mother and to. Be pregnant. And nine years I've been working at that [00:04:00] goal and I have failed every month for nine years. when I also think about the last decade in business.
Nobody has paid me a wage, so I have not earned a. In over a decade and even my career before I started my business, I was mainly on straight commission for most of that time. So it is been a really long time where I've been fully in control of what I earn and also fully responsible for earning a weekly, biweekly, monthly, yearly income.
And that is a big fucking deal. That is a big deal. And you know. The work I do and the things I teach on and the business coaching that I offer women, it comes from 10 years experience, 10 years experience in business, 10 years experience generating my [00:05:00] own monthly revenue, yearly revenue every year, and building success and scaling.
And in that 10 years, I have failed. I have failed many, many times, And also in my personal life, lots of failure and it's really helped me to create a really positive, empowering relationship with failure. And just side note, on the weekend I had some time to myself and I just really wanted to have like a lazy Saturday afternoon watching like.
Some new movies that came out, some new documentaries that had come out that I wanted to watch. Something that. You may or may not know about me is that I love, true stories. I love biographies. I love documentaries. Like if I'm watching TV or watching like a movie, like that's what I'm seeking for.
And the reason that I really love watching True Stories, biographies, and documentaries, is because I am really [00:06:00] inspired by people's. Journeys, their stories, the things that they've navigated and overcome. And the essence of that is I'm really inspired by people who have failed and gotten back up. So not only do I embody that in my own personal life and in my business of having that really healthy relationship with, I.
You know, docuseries movies, books where I'm learning about people who on the outside look like they have just had easy, astronomical success. But when you actually really. Look behind the scenes and really learn about their story or their journey to that astronomical success. There have been a lot of failures and I just find those stories so incredibly [00:07:00] inspirational and they always inspire me from a business perspective and also as a coach, a mentor to women in business is helping them to look through that lens and build that really healthy relationship with failure because.
The truth is there is no success without failure. And having worked with hundreds of women in my breakthrough coaching, which is really more about that mindset and healing and deep identity work to step into the woman that you desire to be. And then my business coaching, you know, a common theme that I see with women is that it's like failure is something to avoid.
Then if we do fail, it's something that we beat ourselves up for. And I really wanna help women, and I do help women. Like if you've worked with me privately or in any of my courses or programs over the years, you know that I speak about this [00:08:00] often and I really, I. I'm passionate about helping women to rewrite that narrative because failure is the only way to get to success, and if you are avoiding failure, you.
Point blank. And you're also in the process of avoiding failing. You're actually kind of blocking yourself from being able to have the success that you want because the only path to have the success is to also be willing to fail and willing to. Is knowing that and understanding that there is no success without failure.
And in fact, you know, my experience and my belief is that failing actually unlocks the codes to success. I have learned more through my failures. Over the past, I mean, I'm 41 years old, but let's just look at the last 10 years in business, I have learned [00:09:00] more from failing and falling down and fucking it up about business than any of my successes.
Any of those successes that have kind of flowed to me and been super easy, they have not built me into the woman that I am today in business. It's my failures. And so there's this kind of like unconscious shame attached to failing. You know that we should only be progressing and scaling and more and more and more and more and more.
And yeah, that's true. But in order to have all of that, you're gonna fall down. You're gonna fail, you're gonna fuck it up. And so changing the way that we look at failure, I think is really important. Anyway, so on the weekend I mentioned that I, had the weekend to myself and I wanted to watch a few things, and the first movie that I watched was NS.
And I had been dying for this movie to come out. First of all, I love and. If you know as well, follow me on social media. I am literally obsessed with all things Italy. I [00:10:00] love Italy. It's my soul home. I love to cook Italian food. I'm one 16th Italian. That's kind of a bit of a joke because there's no such thing as one.
But that's what's funny about it. And so basically in another life, gonna be an Italian. That's like my dream. And so I was really excited about this movie coming out, but I knew nothing about it other than it was about not as cooking Italian food, , that I was sold point blank there and then, and as I watched the movie, I learned that it was actually based on a true story, which was like, oh, amazing.
Love that. And I just found , the whole movie was. So inspirational. It's such a beautiful story. I had a really big cry, like love that, like feeling all the feels. But the part of the movie that I found incredibly inspirational was that without giving too much away this particular man, he's a real man.
He opened up a restaurant and this restaurant is still running today in Brooklyn, in New York. the movie or this [00:11:00] story is him like just having this really strong intuition that this is what he wanted to do. He wanted to open up this restaurant with this very unique concept and he had 100% belief in his vision.
It was, you know, a soul vision. It was a. Appalling. It was a purpose. It was part of the legacy that he wanted to build and create for himself, his community. And so he went out there with that full conviction and launched his business. His restaurant invested his whole life savings into doing so, and then crickets.
No one shows up, No one shows up. And it goes to this process in the movie of like him basically trying so hard to get , his vision, his business, his restaurant up off the ground. And it's just not happening. And you know, he almost gives [00:12:00] up pursues and he keeps pushing.
He believes in his vision. And then the universe caches up, ? Because I lead the universe follows, when I move, the universe moves with me. And so what I saw when I watched this movie, I just was like, wow. Like so many of women in business that I work with could learn so much from this movie because I feel like so often we have an idea, a download.
Our intuition is saying, do this thing, do this thing, do this thing, and then we put it out on social media or we launch it. And it's just not received in the same energy. And this could just be a simple piece of content that you're creating for your business. This could be even just you organizing a girl's trip for your girlfriends or whatever it is, whatever this applies to in your life, right?
But so often we are really excited about something. We really believe in something, and then we put out into the space social media. [00:13:00] The same level of energy and excitement as we have, and then we allow the, to that this a failure. This isn't worth doing that. I'm a, I'm good. And so when I was watching NS if you haven't seen it, you absolutely have to watch it.
It's such a good movie. So many people have already watched it from like a few posts I did on social media and everyone's just loving it. So I think so often we have an idea and. Even though intuitively we're like, this is the thing I wanna do and I'm gonna create it, I'm gonna build and I believe in it.
And then because it's not received in that same energy, we give up, and we go, oh, that's a failure. That didn't work out. This means X about me. I'm not good enough. I'm a failure. And it's just such a toxic pattern of behavior that I see in so many women in business and just. So many women in general, ?
That we actually at an unconscious level are seeking [00:14:00] so much outside validation that even when we believe in something and this thing we wanna do is a part of our purpose, our passion, if it's not received by people who don't know and don't understand. Instantly by us, then we deem that as a failure.
That's not good enough. I'm good. And so I bring that message for.
So that's the first thing is nanos was a really beautiful example of like, hold your vision and believe in yourself and go and do the thing that you wanna fucking do. And it doesn't actually matter if initially it's not received. I truly believe in like, manifestation and, creating something.
There is this kind of cycle, ? You get the download, you get the idea, you're like, this is the thing I wanna do. And from your own internal excitement, like you're not currently receiving any outside validation, ? It's just all your own energy, your [00:15:00] own intuition, your own download saying do this thing.
And so you go and do the thing, Create it, and then we put it out there. And as I said, this could be simply one piece of content that you create. In your business and you put it out there and then it's kind of like crickets, and then you completely abandon that thing That was absolutely a part of your purpose, passion, your intuition, your download, and it's like we need to actually stop seeking outside validation for the things that are to.
If you're not instantly getting the same energy back, that doesn't deem something a failure. That means we need to refine. We look at our messaging, we keep going. And also like just in the world of like marketing and, sales. Now, I mean, the last time I looked at the data was like. single person needs 12 touch points before they would even consider buying your thing.
And so for those of you who are in business, you are like doing one post about the one thing one [00:16:00] time and you don't get a fucking applause from a thousand people. And you're like, that's a failure. And it's just like, it's not like take fucking responsibility. Stop being so, entitled that, you know, create something and it has to be, received in the same energy in which you built it.
No, it's gonna take time. And so that's one way that some of you might need to improve on your relationship with failure, like your so quick to deem something a fail. Before you've actually really gotten in there and given a go, and you're also deeming it a fail because it's just not been received by your peers, family clients, community in the same energy in which you released it.
And it's like, get over yourself a little bit. It's gonna take a little bit more work than that, ? So that was the first thing. If you haven't seen Nana's, go and watch it. There are so many beautiful lessons and learnings in that movie. After I finish Nana's, I actually watch the new season of Chef's [00:17:00] Table.
So I'm a big foodie. I love cooking. If you follow my personal account at I'm Krista Wilson, I'm always cooking, I'm always doing that ? Just something that I really love. And so I love to watch a lot of food documentaries about chefs. And cooking shows like Love that. And so Chef's Table is such an incredible docuseries and they're in their fourth season.
The fourth season just came out, which is what I worked on Saturday, one episode of , that fourth season. And they basically highlight, they do an episode per chef about that chef's journey in creating. What they've created in the landscape of food and culinary experiences and their journey from like, where they were and to how they are now, which is like a world renowned chef.
And the stories are just so incredible. And to be honest with you, more often than not, I probably know maybe 30, 40% of the chefs, a lot of the chefs that they do the doco series on, I don't [00:18:00] actually like, have much of knowing of them. Because they're probably much more well known in like Europe and Spain and Italy and just the uk.
However, the first episode of season four was on Jamie Oliver, and I feel like Jamie Oliver is like, there's not a single person. I mean, who doesn't really know who Jamie Oliver is? And so even though I know who Jamie Oliver is, I actually know nothing about his story. I know that he's incredibly successful.
He's one of the most world renowned and famous celebrity chefs. You know, is he the best chef? Maybe not, but he's absolutely, probably the number one, or in the top three, five celebrity chefs. He has released more cooking books than anyone I'm aware of. So he's just had a lot of kind of mainstream celebrity success.
However, I didn't [00:19:00] know his story. I didn't know how Jamie Oliver became the Jamie Oliver that we all know today. And what I found really fascinating, just in the first five or 10 minutes of his documentary about him, I learned how he became the Jamie Oliver that we know today. And it was such a beautiful fucking reminder of my quote, I lead the universe follows, when I move, the universe moves.
With me. And that quote can be applied to the lessons in Nons, ? About the guy who had the vision to open his restaurant and he opened his restaurant and it wasn't initially received in the same energy in which he created it. And he came this close to giving up on his dream, his purpose.
And he held on and then the universe met his energy. And it's still open today. There's that, . Nana's restaurant, whereas Jamie Oliver, this is so fascinating. He was a sous chef at a restaurant in London, and he was 23 at the time, and it was actually his day [00:20:00] off. And the restaurant that he worked at called him and asked him to come in and cover somebody else's shift.
And this is a real sliding doors moment, ? That this simple phone call was actually an incredible opportunity, But Jamie could have easily been like, no, fuck that. It's my day off. And not gone in to work that day. But for whatever reason, they didn't really get into this. I just thought it was really fascinating.
For whatever reason, he went in, he took the shift, and it could have been that he needed the money, ? But he took this shift at 23. Years of age to cover for somebody else. What he didn't know when he accepted that shift and went into work was that there was actually gonna be a film crew there that day that were doing like a one-off segment for UK television on cooking and restaurants and chefs.
And so as he's coming to work, there's a full, you know, [00:21:00] film crew there in this kitchen of this, well-known restaurant in London. And , the film crew just fell in love with Jamie. So the whole day that he's just kind of like prepping food at his like normal job that he's been called into cover a shift.
They just fell in love with his energy, ? They fell in love with the way that he was doing it, and the film crew followed him around the whole day just getting content for , this little segment they were doing. And it was from that particular day when that was sent back to the, big bosses and they watched this.
They were like, who is this kid? We love his energy. He's got something. He's got that, And it was from that shift and that film crew being there that day that he was then offered his very own television show, the Naked Chef at 23, where he got to be completely himself and change the way that young people looked at cooking.
In the UK and , I don't know the exact [00:22:00] details on how long the naked chef went through, but this is a major television production that catapulted him into catastrophic success. Okay, and I thought this was really interesting because I feel like this is really interesting. When I think about all the women that I've worked with over the years in my 10 years in business and all the women that I mentor in business and offer business coaching to is, it's almost like there's two types of people.
There's. Archetype one where you start your business or you start your thing and it is out the gate successful. It just feels easy, ? And so when I look at Jamie's story, that feels like easy. Do you know what I mean? All he did was say yes to a shift. And from that shift there was a film crew. And then within weeks they're offering him his own television show.
And he was a nobody chef. Absolute. Nobody that's like destiny. That's like, the magic of the universe, [00:23:00] And he could have easily not shown up for that. He could. So I want you to look at how many little things are you saying no to. That could be your breakthrough point, but then also look at like, oh, well that had to be his destiny because it wasn't like he'd even worked.
Really hard yet. Do you know what I mean? , He was 23. He was so in the infancy of his career and he was handed an opportunity on a silver fucking platter because he was being his most authentic self and they fell in love with him. So that's kind of archetype one, we start something, we wanna build something, and it's like, it happens so easily.
We put our shit out and people are like, love it. Let's go. And then what I see also really often is archetype. Number two, and this kind of applies to Nons, the archetype is we have a really big vision to do something. It's intuitively being called to us to do it. We do it and the success feels hard, right?
It doesn't actually happen that easily. It feels [00:24:00] like pushing shit up. A mountain on a hot day, right? It just is like, why isn't this happening? Like I really believe in this. Like I know I can do this. I'm putting in the work, but I'm not really getting the results. So archetype one is the person who just like launches a thing and it's really easy in the beginning.
Really fucking easy for them to get the sale, to do the thing, to sign up the client archetype. Number two, it's like we launch a thing, we know we believe, and it's like it's just not happening. It feels harder and you're watching other people and it feels easier for them and you don't understand what's going on.
And so I noticed these two archetypes in the work that I do, but I also.
two different shows that I watched on the weekend that really just like taught me so much about failure or reaffirmed, like what I already know about failure. And so what's really interesting about Jamie, so he had that initial thing where it was just like, so his success skyrocketed overnight.
He went from a 23, [00:25:00] nobody like chef, to having his own. Hugely successful show. And from that he wrote countless cookbooks. He was on TV all the time. He had many other television shows. I mean, Jamie Oliver has more cooking shows than anyone I know. And also he opened 23 restaurants.
Just in the uk and he had restaurants in Australia. He had restaurants all over the world as part of his, you know, restaurant chain, the Jamie Oliver restaurants. And so what's really interesting about Archetype One, where the success comes really easily, what I want you to know is failure. Always happens.
Okay? Failure is the codes to unlocking the next level period. And even if you see somebody who is like, it doesn't really look like they're failing. It happens. It's gonna happen to all of us. And so Jamie's, a great example of this is he built [00:26:00] astronomical brand, astronomical success. Had just 23 restaurants in the UK alone, and multiple others all over the world.
And it was actually at the height of his success. that he experienced, his biggest failure, and that was when he had four and half thousand staff, 70 5K in wages a day, and he had to close down. All of his restaurants globally. Like that level of failure at that level of success, that is crazy, ?
Like I couldn't even imagine, But something that I know about myself and my goals and also my relationship with failure, is that how I respond currently. In my business and my life to failure is actually energetically showing the universe that I'm ready for the next level.
Because [00:27:00] if you can't handle the little failures that are happening now, , if your little failures that are happening now in your business are rattling you, I want you to know that the success that you want in your business and your life comes with 10 x the amount of failure. 10 x the size of the failure.
And Jamie Oliver is a great example of that. He literally, at the peak of his career and success, had astronomical failure and had to close down. 20 plus restaurants in the UK and probably other 20 globally. I don't know the actual figures. So, but I know that it's well over that. And let down four and a half thousand staff, the whole thing, his fucking empire .
Crumbled and he faced huge humiliation and something that he said, which I thought was just so interesting. That he wanted to hide, like he wanted to hide, he wanted [00:28:00] to quit. And the one thing he knew for sure that this moment in time where he's experiencing his biggest failure and letting down thousands of people and he's humiliated. he's world's biggest chef and he's just lost all of his restaurants. What he knew for sure that even though he wanted to quit and hide, this was the time to absolutely not quit and hide, ? And so, so often when you are failing or things aren't, going the way you want.
Maybe it's little things like the little micros in your life that you feel like a failure. You actually use that as a reason to quit, and that is why you feel like a fucking failure, because you allow your failures to define you. And this could be so micro for some of you listening, so micro, like saying you're gonna go to the gym at 6:00 AM and not going.
And then deciding that you are shit. You're a [00:29:00] failure. There's this like defining moment. There was a defining moment for Jamie when his whole empire crumbled that he could have quit and hid. No one would've blamed him, ? But he knew that this was the time to absolutely not do that because he wasn't gonna let his.
Failure define him. And now he's rebuilt, ? His whole enterprise. He's rebuilt his empire and when I think of Jamie Oliver, and I didn't know the details, but I knew he'd lost his restaurants before I even watched his docuseries.
I don't think of Jamie Oliver and think he's a failure, that he lost all these restaurants. I think of Jamie Oliver, and I think about the astronomical brand, the movement, , the good he's done in the world. You know, he's made a huge impact in the world of cooking. He's changed, so many young displaced children's lives.
That's part of his mission as well. So imagine if you had to fucking quit, ? So I don't know about you and , how you can apply this to your life, but I know you absolutely [00:30:00] can, ? Because I watch this and I just think of like so many of my clients, so many of my students, so many of my own experiences in my life where I'm like, fuck.
Like, you know, if I could just teach women, which I do. And I hope that this impacts you in this way, but if I could just teach women to change their relationship with failure and change what they make mean. Like that alone would just have such a huge and positive impact on your life because it only means what you make it mean.
And I know for me, in the life that I've had, and when I watch docuseries and true stories and I read autobiographies, the main theme that I see is how much these fucking successful people who have built. Huge empires created so much. Wealth created exceptional brands, ? How much failure they have actually had and how much they get up and [00:31:00] keep going.
And that level of failure when you are mainstream name, that level of failure is astronomical. And to be able to get back up in those moments that builds. That builds resilience. Okay. And I know for me, one of my superpowers is my resilience. And I have resilience because I have failed. I'm willing to fail.
I'm willing to fuck up, I'm willing to fall down. And what I've done is every time I've had those experiences where I have failed in business or in my personal life, I have gotten back up. And every time I fail and get back up, I've learned to get back up quickly. I've learned to recover quickly.
I've learned to not make it mean something about me, and you're not gonna learn any of that by avoiding failure or when you fail. Making it [00:32:00] mean something way more negative than what it needs to mean. Because the path to success in anything you are wanting to achieve in your life is failure. Like you can't get to consistency.
Let's just look at it. Basically, you want consistency, maybe in your eating habits, maybe in your meditation, your self care, maybe in your spending. You want consistency. The only way to actually build the person that's consistent is by failing. 'cause you're gonna fail. 'cause that's part of the process.
That's how you build it. And then deciding to do better, ? The failure, get back up, recover, do better. The failure, get back up, recover, do better. That's actually what builds consistency. That's actually whats.
When you avoid failure in your life, you are avoiding the codes to success. You are avoiding becoming the version of you who can hold the failure and the version of you that can hold the failure [00:33:00] is the version of you that can create the success you want., When you try to eliminate the failure, you are also creating more and more resistance between you and the success you want.
That is the damn truth.
So thank you for listening to today's episode. This is just kind of like I, watched these shows. I was so inspired by them. Go and watch them. Like, if I give you anything, go and watch Nanas, ? It's a great fucking movie. But also I want you to look beyond the story. I want you to look and be inspired by this person, this man's vision, his purpose, his courage, his resilience.
And I want you to find the deeper meaning for you. Then I want you to watch Chef Table season four, episode one. Jamie Oliver's story. His story, like I watched it and I was like, I can't wait to watch this again. This is so fucking inspirational. Like I'm learning so much about myself, learning so much about my life, about business.
I can see the things that I'm [00:34:00] fucking acing. I can see where I could be doing better just by watching this docuseries. And so if you are watching stuff on television, but you're not looking at it through this lens, like you're literally whatcha doing, you're wasting your time, ? My whole phone is filled with like notes from shit that I watch that I'm just like, fuck.
That was so inspirational. Like, what can I take away from that? So your homework is to watch these two things and find the deeper meaning for you. But I also really wanna invite you to like really look at how you think, feel, react to failure. And I wanna inspire you to know that you can change your relationship with failure.
In fact, you absolutely must. It's important if you've got a big dream, big goals, big vision, whether that's in your career, in your life, or you wanna create a business, you wanna create a brand, you wanna create fucking success. You wanna be the first person in your family to create. Huge, astronomical success, ?
Do the thing that no one's fucking done before you. Then you better get okay with failure, you better [00:35:00] buckle the fuck up and you get better. Get really comfortable. You better seek out failure, ? And then refine it and learn and keep going. That's how you become great. That's how you build character.
That's how you build resilience. And you're gonna need a shit ton of resilience on your journey, and that's actually how you get to the success that you want. So when you avoid failure. Or you make failure mean something about you and you don't look at it through a lens of what can I learn? You are literally cock blocking yourself from the success you want, and I don't want any she who dares woman out there to be cock blocking herself from the success that she wants.
So I hope this episode inspired you. If something landed, something dropped in. There was an aha. Dms at she and.
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